its been a while

yeah it has been quite a while since I have written. a lot has happened like always but thats life. i read thru my last blog and I can't even believe that I was in that place. well i can because that was a dark part in my life. after she cheated on me twice. today, I feel like i found closure with that situation. I had a dream about her cheating on me with that same girl and I finally manned up and asked her if she had sex with that girl when she cheated on me... her answer was "yeah" I told her I wasn't going to be mad or weird the rest of the day if she jus answered me. I did not want to hear that answer but I guess I am glad that she told me. when I read it I got so sick to my stomach, I wanted to throw up everything I had jus eaten, I was so disgusted. I guess in the back of my head I always knew that she fucked another girl...while she was with me.... it still makes me sick but I am trying my best to get over it. we have both made mistakes in this relationship and I am trying not to hold it against her. over the course of the past few months and now that I am home and away from her I have had a lot of time to think about everything. after she cheated on me the second time she pulled her head out.. at least I think she did. now we talk about getting married and having our future with each other. when she first started tlaking about it I freaked... I mean before she cheated I was in it for the long haul. I knew she was the one i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but after she cheated I was jus so broken and hurt that i honestly had it in my head that she was gonna leave me for good, so i stopped thinking about the long term. I hadnt really been full heartadly into the resltionship like i was in the very begginning. and I am not ashamed to say that. now tho.. i have had time to get my shit together and I think I am in the spot again that I was in the begginning with her.. I just hope she is there too...

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