so here I am, about 7 months into my career in the Army. so many things have changed. I've gone back and read all my past blogs on here and i would never even recognize the person that I was even a year ago. I have changed completely. its a cliche I know everyone always says, but it is true. here i am finally fulfilling the one dream that was constant my entire time blogging on here, being in the military. tonight I sat here and read about my first love, my first real heartbreak and everything in between. I cried, I laughed, and I reminisced. so many monumental things have happened in my short 23 years. I have loved and I have lost. More than I want to even remember. but I am so thankful for every laugh, heartbreak and loss that I have had. I have been shaped into the person I believe that I was meant to be all along. It may not be the person everybody else wants me to be but I am finally the person I feel I was meant to be. I am finally someone that people are proud of... I am someone that people tell me they look up to.. I am someone my family loves again. I am someone who is worth something again.. it took so long for me to figure out who I truly was. I went through a lot of shit but I kept telling myself it would always be worse before it got better and honestly, the better is finally here. somedays are better than the other i will admit that but even when I have rough days she is there. i thought I would spend my life with someone who didn't give a shit about how my day was or if I slept well but now, that isn't the case. I have long weeks out in the field and come back to long texts about why she loves me and how much she misses me. I get phone calls every morning after shitty ass sapper pt and every night after my long ass days. We stay on the phone all night until I wake her up 2 hours before her alarm because it's time for me to start my day. She is the first one I go to when something good happens and the first one I want to fall on when something shitty happens. Being in the military has made me into a person who doesn't ever want to feel and someone who is expected to suck it up and deal with it on my own but when I break she always picks me up. I never had someone who would fight tooth and nail to keep me. Someone who would stay with me when I am crazy, emotionless, being an asshole, and totally inconsiderate of anyone's feelings, but I got a girl who stayed through it all. i never deserved someone so pure and amazing as her... I never deserved a love so unconditional from someone as selfless as her.. she has seen me when I was a drunk driving my fist through a wall to a newly formed soldier graduating from OSUT. she stayed with someone who was so mentally fucked up and saw me through the biggest transformation ever. I owe it all to her because I went from a self destructive piece of shit drunk to a soldier in the US army. I wouldn't be here if it wasnt for her. She's my rock when I feel like I can't handle life anymore. She's what keeps me sane. She's what keeps me going... my fiance is the best damn thing to ever happen to me. She's the woman I absolutely cannot wait to spend my life with. she has shown me a different type of love. One so unconditional. One that I can never let go.