It's been a while

so here I am, about 7 months into my career in the Army. so many things have changed. I've gone back and read all my past blogs on here and i would never even recognize the person that I was even a year ago. I have changed completely. its a cliche I know everyone always says, but it is true. here i am finally fulfilling the one dream that was constant my entire time blogging on here, being in the military. tonight I sat here and read about my first love, my first real heartbreak and everything in between. I cried, I laughed, and I reminisced. so many monumental things have happened in my short 23 years. I have loved and I have lost. More than I want to even remember. but I am so thankful for every laugh, heartbreak and loss that I have had. I have been shaped into the person I believe that I was meant to be all along. It may not be the person everybody else wants me to be but I am finally the person I feel I was meant to be. I am finally someone that people are proud of... I am someone that people tell me they look up to.. I am someone my family loves again. I am someone who is worth something again.. it took so long for me to figure out who I truly was. I went through a lot of shit but  I kept telling myself it would always be worse before it got better and honestly, the better is finally here. somedays are better than the other i will admit that but even when I have rough days she is there. i thought I would spend my life with someone who didn't give a shit about how my day was or if I slept well but now, that isn't the case. I have long weeks out in the field and come back to long texts about why she loves me and how much she misses me. I get phone calls every morning after shitty ass sapper pt and every night after my long ass days. We stay on the phone all night until I wake her up 2 hours before her alarm because it's time for me to start my day. She is the first one I go to when something good happens and the first one I want to fall on when something shitty happens. Being in the military has made me into a person who doesn't ever want to feel and someone who is expected to suck it up and deal with it on my own but when I break she always picks me up. I never had someone who would fight tooth and nail to keep me. Someone who would stay with me when I am crazy, emotionless, being an asshole, and totally inconsiderate of anyone's feelings, but I got a girl who stayed through it all. i never deserved someone so pure and amazing as her... I never deserved a love so unconditional from someone as selfless as her.. she has seen me when I was a drunk driving my fist through a wall to a newly formed soldier graduating from OSUT. she stayed with someone who was so mentally fucked up and saw me through the biggest transformation ever. I owe it all to her because I went from a self destructive piece of shit drunk to a soldier in the US army. I wouldn't be here if it wasnt for her. She's my rock when I feel like I can't handle life anymore. She's what keeps me sane. She's what keeps me going... my fiance is the best damn thing to ever happen to me. She's the woman I absolutely cannot wait to spend my life with. she has shown me a different type of love. One so unconditional. One that I can never let go. 

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Comments (3)

  1. painyagami

    Felt nice to read ur post..even though u were writing all the mistakes about u what I saw was ur effort to correct urself at each step that takes a lot of courage and ur unconditional love for your girl..hats off to ur girl being there for u when ur fragile and vulnerable the most and hats off to u for ur undying courage…
    I say sorry if I have over stepped any of ur boundary…

    November 20, 2016
  2. hmcdee

    You may not admit it right now, but when your tour of military service ends, you will reflect and say as I said after years in the US Army that it was the best years of your life. I was drafted into the US Army Chemical Corps in 1958 and released in 1960. In the 1950s, pre-medical majors in university in Arkansas required 5 years of study. I went to summer school for three summers trying to graduate, but I got drafted during my senior year. I moved to Houston, Texas, in 1961 and attended the University of Houston and received a BS in Microbiology.

    I cannot count the number of times and stories about military life that I experienced during my time in the service. I did not face combat because soldiers must have a three-year enlistment to be sent oversees. I was told that today’s soldiers are not required to learn the 11 general orders that were required of all soldiers. I misplaced my field manual and cannot purchase the old manuals any longer. I do remember the 11th general order: “To be especially watchful at night and during the time for challenging, to challenge all persons on or near my post and to allow no one to pass without proper authority.” My Service Number is 54218353. Just trying to recall my youth!


    November 20, 2016
  3. sailorluna_777

    Thanks for your service, and this is truly a post about a man, who knows he has faults, but also knows he can change that and be a better man, 2 thumbs up

    November 20, 2016