again

it happened again. this is the only place I ever seem to be able to turn to when something bad happens in my life. I shut everyone out. I don't want to talk to anyone I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to leave my bed. My eyes burn and I'm so...

Drowning

 I don't see the person I was three months ago. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I see someone who is weak.. I see someone who really isn't worth the love that everyone says I deserve. I don't see the strongwilled, hard headed girl I used to be....

Times ticking

time is something that i wish would pass faster but at the same time I wish would slow down. As I sit in briefs all day long I sit and wish time would go faster but at the end of the day when it's all said and done I want time to slow down. 6-9...

It's been a while

so here I am, about 7 months into my career in the Army. so many things have changed. I've gone back and read all my past blogs on here and i would never even recognize the person that I was even a year ago. I have changed completely. its a cliche I...

3 weeks

3 weeks and 6 days until I start this new chapter of my life and I could not be more excited. I am fixin to go to Hawaii then when I get back I will only have a few days left in Co until I leave. I was pretty nervous the past two days because there...

the end of the road

I finally did it. I graduated college. It has been such a long and tough road but I made it. The weekend went by way too fast. I wish I could rewind and re play it all over and over again. My family was there and I was surrounded by overwhelming love...

it's all coming together

So after about a year of going back and forth with myself I have finally enlisted in the US Army. I could not be more proud and happy about this huge decision. I am about to graduate in December then I ship in April. My MOS just opened for woman back...

I will never understand

August 4th at 11:01 pm the Lord took my precious nephew and gave him his angel wings, Noah Christian Bagley. And I am sure it will take the rest of life and I still would not understand why the Lord takes the ones who we need the most. Everyone keeps...

another summer

I start my job at the rec tomorrow. I am excited for the opportunity again but I am abslutely dreading the fact that everyday I have to walk into the office and see a new person sitting at her desk. thats her desk. she's supposed to be there. her area...

moving ahead

man things have been a roller coaster the past few months. my world was turned upside down when I lost a woman who was my second mother. I still haven't been able to grasp the fact that she is gone. I don't think I ever will either. I am always...

Luchinda

I lost someone close to me three weeks ago.. The woman who gave me first job. She was not only my boss for 8 years but someone who was like my second mother. She had a stroke back in August and she was recovering really well. Literally she was about...

my last words to her...

08 September 2014 things happen and I want you to be the first one I tell then I remember you are gone. I think that is what hurts the most, wishing I could tell you my good news, have you there with me when something bad happens, and be there to...

here goes nothing

I am sitting downstairs waiting. I jus got home from talking to my recruiter. I am about to tell my parents that I am joining the army. I am so nervous I want to throw up. I have no idea how this is gonna go over...but this is what I want. I hope they...

finally figured it out..

I have been trying, I really have. I get up in the morning and try not thinking about her. yesterday was a rough day and it all kind of came crashing down..again. and I hate myself for it. I made a new twitter a few months ago and I was on my old one...

taking it one step at a time

I can feel myself getting stronger everyday. I am able to pick myself up everyday and tell myself that I can do this. It feels good to not break down and cry whenever I hear one of our songs or when my timehop shows our memories. last weekend was kind...

life, isn't it crazy?

my summer semester is wrapped up. I have one week till my fall semester starts of my senior year of college and all I can think about is how bad I jus do not want to do it anymore. sure I want to graduate but I want to join the military even more. I...

what did I do

as we walked into the tattoo parlor a year ago I was ready to make this committment to her. she was getting "be your everything" and I was getting "be your forever". on our ribs we were going to get tattoo together that meant so much to each of us. be...

...

I don't know how much more I can take..  every day every damn day she is the only thing that is on my mind what is wrong with me? how can I be so pathetic but why does my heart long for her why do I want to still have her in my...

I didn't know how bad I could hurt..

It's been almost two weeks since she has been gone.. everyday I wake up and try to tell myself that I can do this and that I can be strong. the truth is I can't be strong. I am so broken that I have no idea where to even begin, I can't even pick up...

here goes nothing

so much has happened... I don't even know where to start.  I withdrew from Ottawa in December and came home. I was fully intent on joining the navy and even started processing and had all my paperwork filled out. When my dad came and got me from...

I am

I really do struggle sometimes, everybody struggles with something and mine is that I can't let go of the past. I look back often when I should be looking forward. The good and the bad in my past all have made me who I am today tho.. There are some...

so

so yesterday I bought my girlfriends engagment ring. this is such a huge step for me and my head is still swirling. but it is something that I am totally committed too and I am so ready to be with this girl for the rest of my life. no matter where...

its been a while

yeah it has been quite a while since I have written. a lot has happened like always but thats life. i read thru my last blog and I can't even believe that I was in that place. well i can because that was a dark part in my life. after she cheated on me...

no words to describe

I am sitting in our bed on my last night in the dorms of my sophomore year of college. I have been sitting here staring at my gf studying for the past two hours and going through my old phone that i had this summer. I found old music and that is my...